Anastasia's coaching blog - Success for highly sensitive people / Все о высокочувствительных людях

Highly Sensitive and Successful: Episode 3. A business with the light heart - a highly sensitive entrepreneur

20/6/2017

In the new episode of Highly Sensitive and Successful, I talk to Iren Merdinyan, founder of organic chocolate brand Raw Bon Bon, on how a business run by a highly sensitive person is different from normal business, why intuition matters and the importance of organic relationships, not just products.
Here are some inspirational quotes from the interview:

"It was a conscious choice not to keep it as a mass production, keep it artisan, feminine, intimate"
“Every little thing is making an effort. This little tomato, this sunshine, there was water, nature nurturing it, and there was so much effort and love put into it, and you have to respect this”.
"We need to run business with the light heart".

How important for you are ethical values and "organic relationships" in business? What do you do in order to maintain them? Please, post your answer in the comments below this video!

A right for silence

26/1/2016

Do you notice how much unnecessary noise you're exposed to on a daily basis?

I was brought up in one of the world’s craziest cities, Moscow, and live in London, another quite intense megalopolis. I enjoy things happening around me, but also need my moments of silence to restore myself, think deeply and be creative. But nowadays, finding silence has become an incredible luxury only available to the most well-off individuals, unless you choose to move out of the city and not do any corporate job.

Have you ever wondered why the most prestigious areas in the city are usually the quietest? Why executive business lounges in the airports have no bright screens/ads/loud music/shouting announcement (very different from normal waiting areas)? Why in the top fashion boutiques and high-end restaurants they play a very low-volume pleasing music, if any? Why is silence valued so high?

Having no excessive stimulation allows our brain to process information we’ve got already, think deeper, and as a result, be creative. Creativity and conscious decision-making requires space in your head. You can’t be creative if you are constantly distracted, because our brains aren’t wired to multitask. You also need silence to better understand yourself, otherwise you stop making conscious choices. Yet, unless you have lots of money, you are condemned to daily distractions, which are presented as something completely normal, and those who say it’s not, get publicly (or silently) shamed.

Forced to listen

I spent my worst years working in the open space offices – with hundreds of people talking, walking around, listening to music etc., not to mention multiple computer screens that kept causing me severe headaches. How can you possibly expect someone working in such atmosphere to be able to concentrate and come up with amazing work. Our natural rhythms vary between solitude and collaboration, but most work environments don't support that. It has been proven by multiple research that pure open space ruins productivity, and yet, if you speak up and say you need silence, you’ll be seen as “difficult” or unsociable.

I left the corporate world mainly because I was made to work in an environment that didn’t work for me, and I was quite a highly-paid specialist. Now I know now that there was nothing wrong with me and I was not "picky" or "difficult" - I just belong to 20% of humans who are highly sensitive – perceiving the world much stronger, brighter and noisier than the rest, and there’s nothing wrong with me (high sensitivity is not a medical condition, but a different gene, like blue or brown eyes). But why is there public shaming around sticking to your natural rhythms?

Another personal “favourite” of mine are fitness classes, where instructors switch on the music so loud, as if we were in a rock concert. I get it that they want to encourage participants, but why put that on a level that makes ears hurt? And most importantly, why is it that people in these classes are embarrassed to ask to put the volume down (it turns out, many feel uncomfortable with it, but don’t say anything unless I ask)? Gyms lost me as a client, because when I go there, I don’t have a choice not only of a music, but also of the volume I need to listen it to.

A right for everyone

Today we are constantly challenged to perform our best, while living in the environment that absolutely doesn't support, or rather, undermines that peak performance. Today I have the luxury to manage my own noise and stimulation level, because I am self-employed, but many people don’t. In fact, there are whole countries where this stimulation is excessive – China being one of them.

Silence and the ability to choose the level of stimulation a person wants/can handle should be the natural right of everyone, and not just the privilege of rich people. All it takes is a recognition that we might be different, and creating an environment that supports that shouldn't be that difficult. Technology is here to support, too– silent disco is a great example of what’s possible, when this recognition happens. Or perhaps fitness instructors could use a decibel measuring app to test the volume.

Do you find excessive noise or sound a problem?

You might, too, be a highly sensitive person!
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Tuesday Tips: Save Your Mornings!

22/12/2015

What are your mornings like? Are you swamped with tonnes of unread emails, trying to follow-up on multiple requests, just to find out that by lunchtime they have only multiplied? Busy, but not doing much?
Morning is the only time when your nervous system is still not overloaded and you aren’t yet influenced by other people’s problems or emotions. So take advantage of it! Watch my Tuesday Tip to find out how!

Also, to help you design your perfect morning, I've create this magic checklist - print it out and use every morning before you go to work! It's magic because it allows you to seamlessly achieve what you want by focusing your attention on the right things. To make sure it works, read first these 10 productivity tips - they work especially well for Highly Sensitive People (you can know if you are one of them by taking this quick test).

Did you like this tip? Share it with your friends! I'd also love to learn how it worked for you - leave your comments below!

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Happy birthday to me

2/11/2015

One year ago, my life was very different. My well-paid and stressful job contract has come to an end, leaving me with no desire to work for anyone else, enough savings for a few months of non-luxurious life and no clear idea of where any money will be coming from once it's gone. My landlord suddenly decided to kick me out of the apartment, where I’ve spent the last two years. My mum was undergoing the third major surgery in two months and preparing herself for the chemo, as I was stuck between two countries looking for alternative surgeons and treatments all around the world. And on top of that, a few weeks before I split up with a guy I really fancied. I was eating uncertainty for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Looking back at that period, I’m not surprised I was procrastinating about doing something for my own business, although I had a clear idea that I didn't want to work for anyone else anymore. I was playing with coaching here and there, but it has never been a serious source of income. Recognizing myself being stuck, I felt I needed a coach myself and got in touch with someone I’ve previously known from my training program. Her lectures have always been a huge inspiration for me. We had a really nice conversation about how we could work together, I felt a great synergy and willingness to work with her, and asked her to give me a few days to think about her fees (quite high). I ended up sending her this exact email one year ago:

“I did think about your offer and although I would love to work with you, I am a bit cautious about my budget. I would be grateful if you could think of other coaches similar to you who might charge less”.

She said she’ll be happy to recommend some coaches from her network, and then I haven’t heard back from her for a couple of weeks. As I sat down to write a follow up email, something happened – I realized I didn’t want to work with anyone else, and writing something else would be a lie. I wasn't sure in which country I'd be living in the following few months and what I'd be doing with my life, but I knew I wanted to work with her. So instead of reminding her to recommend me a cheaper coach, I wrote to her saying that my situation changed and I would love to work with her.

Did the situation really change? It did, but only in my head (how cool is that?). I made calculations and figured out what I could cut on if I were to work with her. I mentally got rid of everything inessential and discovered that I won’t suffer much if I had to give it up. Maybe my security wouldn’t last for 6, but rather for 4 months. I can handle that. I've handled much worse stuff.

Needless to say, it was one of the best decisions in my life. Over the last 10 months, I’ve launched two coaching businesses, performed at multiple conferences, hired my first employees, started writing for Huffington Post and got in talks with TV channel about a film, sold my first online course to someone I never met and who never met me, got 80+ people signing up for my webinars, got emails from all over the world supporting my work, and did hundreds of other things I would have never got into had I not followed my gut feeling and had I not been honest with myself for what I wish for.

It has by no means been easy, but what a luck to have lived this year in such a fulfilling way! And here comes my coaching tip:

Be honest with yourself. You know deep inside what you truly wish for, so don’t settle down for less and don’t let your concerns stop you. There’s a difference between being reasonable and playing small – and you will know it by the little tingling of joy in your chest and fingers when you are aspiring and reaching for the stars.

Birthday is only once a year – make sure you've got something to write in your blog about next year.

PS If you want to step into your real power and go for what you truly desire, join our next Career Booster program for powerful sensitive women. Details here.

Digital Detox for Highly Sensitive People

26/9/2015

This is my piece for hsphealth.com website about my personal experience as a highly sensitive person of being overwhelmed by too much digital media, and ways I coped with it.

So here I was again, crying on the floor of my tiny rented studio from an unbearable migraine and fatigue, weak and desperate after a day in the office. I seemed to have finally landed in a decent digital marketing role I’ve always wanted – a great brand, professional and ambitious colleagues, a decent salary – and yet I was at the edge of a severe depression. I was looking forward to getting to the office on Monday morning, but by the second half of Tuesday I was already feeling tired, and from Wednesday onwards would end up in tears every evening. I didn’t feel like talking to my colleagues, nor like going out anywhere. The weekend was just enough to recover. What’s wrong with me? Click to read the whole article

A Highly Sensitive Person at Work: Survival Guide (Part 1)

12/6/2015

If you are a highly sensitive person, chances are you are quite different from your colleagues. You may find a typical office background noise more distracting than they do. You are likely to get more easily overwhelmed when you’ve got much going on. You may feel more tired after a whole day of staring at computer screen, or need extra time to withdraw somewhere quiet and dark after an intense meeting with many people.

Does it sound like you?

If so - don’t worry, there is nothing wrong with you - this is a typical “side effect” of being highly sensitive. Highly Sensitive People (or HSPs) is a scientific term. It refers to people who are believed to have a genetic ability to notice more subtleties in their environment than most people, and process more sensory input from it, including sounds, lights, temperature etc. They are not sick and don’t need any treatment – it’s just that their nervous system and mind are more “fine-tuned”.

Think about sensitivity as a super-expensive medical knife that can be used for the most delicate surgery thanks to its sophistication and sharpness. However, if the same knife is used to cut bread, chances are it will break down or become dull, and so can no longer be used for a surgery. Same way, highly sensitive people will flourish in the right conditions, or shut down and/or experience stress-related issues if they are continually overwhelmed.

Because highly sensitive people are in the minority (it is believed that only about 20% of all humans belong to HSPs), most companies are not structured to support them. So a highly sensitive person might struggle to have a successful career, especially at an early stage. However, being highly sensitive does not mean you cannot be successful - it's just a question of learning to manage and "sell" your sensitivity. The following five tips will help you with that:

1. Understand that people see the world differently
Most problems a highly sensitive person gets at work arise because people don’t get them. As previously said, 80-85% of people are not highly sensitive, and so they genuinely don’t understand why you are bothered about food smell at the desk, loud music or an air conditioner. They might even not notice something that will seem to you like a major thing impacting your well-being and productivity. They even may enjoy this little stimulation, otherwise their nervous system is dormant, and will think you are too demanding when you ask them to turn the music volume down.
Explaining what sensitivity is to a non-sensitive person is a bit like trying to explain to a blind person what colors are. You need to “sell” your sensitivity in the language they can understand. For instance, if you need time to withdraw after a meeting, don't say you are overwhelmed, but mention you are going somewhere to write down the thoughts that came to your mind after the meeting. Or make a joke that you need a cup of tea to warm yourself up after a chilly conversation with a client. People are afraid of what they don't understand, so use humor and keep things really simple.

2. Incorporate regular breaks throughout the day
If you are a highly sensitive person, you need more rest than most people to recharge your nervous system. I remember this made me really upset in my younger age, as most of my colleagues were able to carry on working. Having built a successful career in several fields, I can assure you now it's not the question of working harder, but working smarter with fewer distractions.
It may sound counterintuitive, but the most efficient thing to do for a highly sensitive person at work is to incorporate breaks every hour or so for a few minutes not to accumulate stress. Because if you don' rest, it will take you much longer to recover after you break down. Taking rest for a highly sensitive person means doing something that involves as little stimulation as possible – so no computer, possibly no chatting to colleagues, but taking a few moment to be somewhere quite, or even better having a little walk outside.
Ideally, you want to manage your schedule yourself and this should be your priority at work. If you do, do not put several meetings one after another. Switch between meetings and personal activities. As a highly sensitive person, you need time to recharge after one intense experience.

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3.       Know what triggers you
We all are stimulated by different things – some of us are more sensitive to noise, some to smells, some to information overload. You can take this little test to see what stimulates you compared to other highly sensitive people. Notice what triggers your sensitivity, and start consciously managing it. For instance, if your trigger is noise, make sure you have a pair of earplugs when you work (earplugs are way better than earphones for an HSP, as music adds stimulation). In my experience, wax earplugs are the best ones, as they don't let any noise in and are also not irritating to the ear.
If you absolutely cannot avoid the trigger, try minimizing it. For instance, if you know you get tired after the flight and being in the airport among crowds of people, do not set up important meetings for that day. Go on a business trip a night before to have proper rest.
A typical trigger for all HSPs is multitasking. People aren’t generally good at multitasking as has been proven by multiple researchers, but as an HSP you need to be even more careful because any distraction has a bigger impact on you than on your non-sensitive colleagues. You need to organize your work so that you have enough time to dedicate to one particular task and aren’t disturbed in between. This means you may need to book a closed room, ask everyone not to approach you for two hours, and switch off all notifications, all sound signals on your communication devices and put them face down. If you’re waiting for an important call, you should not be working on something that requires your concentration. Similarly, do not open more than one tab when browsing online. Multitasking isn’t good for your brain.

4.       Watch your diet
As a highly sensitive person, you have to be extremely careful about how you eat, as you are more sensitive to sugar than most people (your nervous system literally gets exploded every time you consume sugar). This means that a regular office chocolate/biscuit snacking is out of question. When tired, we are not able to tell what’s good and what’s bad for us, so make sure to have something healthy (and yet yummy) in your desk instead of sugary stuff.
As an HSP, you are very likely to be more affected by caffeine than most people, so it’s best not to consume it altogether, or if you do, not to drink coffee on the days when you’ve got a lot going.

5.       Talk about your work, not sensitivity
The last thing you want to do after you’ve read this text is to go to your boss or colleagues and tell them you’re highly sensitive, and therefore they should start treating you in a different way. If you did that, you’d be seen either as difficult, or sick.
What you really want to do is to show them how your work might be impacted if a certain problem causing you extra stimulation (i.e. sitting next to a noisy scanner) will not be resolved. Focus on the extra value you’ll be able to provide. For instance, if you are negotiating flexible working hours, tell them how you’ll be able to better concentrate and call more customers when it’s less noisy around.
It obviously helps if you are doing well in your job, and your boss is happy (make sure that they are by giving them the highlights of your key achievements on a weekly basis – it’s not bragging, it’s PR). If this is not the case, you may want to work a little harder (or rather, smarter) before you negotiate anything. The good news is that your bargain power will improve dramatically the more senior you become, so it’s the question of surviving through the early stages of your career.

Bonus track
Most importantly, start being nice to yourself and appreciate your sensitivity. Many highly sensitive people feel they are different and have been punished for that at work or at home, and so try to downgrade their sensitivity to “fit in”.
Instead of punishing yourself for not being able to cope as most people, think about all the great things you are able to do thanks to being sensitive. You probably know what other people want or expect, are able to build great relationships, forecast trends and make conclusions without having all necessary information thanks to your intuition. Start appreciating your sensitivity, and your colleagues and bosses will do so, too.

See more tips at Part II of the article

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Anastasia Dedyukhina, professional coach, start-up mentor and a highly sensitive person

Are You Sensitive? This Can Be Your Biggest Career Advantage

4/6/2015

George, a 48-year old partner in a reputable consulting firm, has always praised himself for his analytical abilities. He’s great at structuring the most complicated projects, and selling his solution to the most demanding client. It has happened on a several occasions that George saved a big project by understanding what the client really wanted (and not what he was saying he wanted) and suggesting that before anyone else.

In fact, this ability has allowed George to build some wonderful client relationships and become a partner in his firm, in spite of being generally seen as a reserved and even shy person.

When his colleagues ask him how he does that, George doesn’t know what to answer, since it seems so natural to him just to know what people want. Because he needs to say something, he starts pointing out various analytical tools he uses, but it doesn’t help his colleagues much, because all employees in his firm are aware of these tools – and yet somehow George is always the one who knows more about the client. The company finds him so valuable that it’s happy to overlook his constant need to withdraw and stay at home during busy days, and even recently allowed him to work part-time.

What George is not aware of is that his main strength is not his analytical abilities, but a laser-sharp intuition, which often comes together with difficulties to manage stress.

George is a classic example of a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP (you can take this quick test to check if you are one of them, too). Although he doesn’t know anything about HSPs, he has probably noticed the good and bad sides of this trait all the time.

What's High Sensitivity?
High sensitivity is not an illness, but rather a genetic modification that occurs in about 20% of humans (and some higher animals), who process information deeper and notice more subtleties in their environment. HSPs have a larger number of mirror neurons – brain cells responsible for fast learning and imitation. These people are highly intuitive and empathetic, and can easily guess what the other feels or needs, often without asking specific questions. This quality makes them great at any job that requires helping other people or client relationship, or trend watching, and HSPs can build a great career if they get into these fields.

Unfortunately, the gift of sensitivity can also become the biggest burden, since Highly Sensitive People get overwhelmed more than other people when things get busy. Their nervous system gets easily overloaded with excessive noise, bright light or other sensory stimuli. When they do, they become quite unsociable or can even fall sick. Because they process more information and do it deeper than most people, they need more time to recover – quite a luxury in the modern corporate environment.

In his company George has earned a reputation of a hardworking introvert, because in busy days he closes down in his office and doesn’t talk to anyone. The truth is although George likes people, he just needs to take time off during and after busy projects. George’s best way of having the rest is being in the nature, and he spends weekends walking in the English countryside with his phone off.

Being Sensitive in a Corporate World
There are quite a few Georges out there in the corporate world, but it’s difficult to recognize them at first. Statistically, the same proportion of men and women are born with a high sensitivity trait. Yet, because in our society mostly women are allowed to be intuitive and empathetic, a highly sensitive George needs to mask to be just like any other guy.

A George can choose quite an analytical and brainy profession that require a lot of research and data processing, but also some interaction with other people – like project manager, consultant, or scientist. He is also very drawn to “helping” professions like therapists, coaches, or HR/recruitment, or can make a very talented artist. Many successful leaders are HSPs because they are quite capable to understand other people and inspire them - Abraham Lincoln is believe to be one. But most often, male HSPs who want to have a career in the corporate environment prefer to shut down and hide their “craziness” from others, blaming themselves for not being able to be up to the competition all the time.

It has taken George many years to recognize his intuitive ability, and it only happened because a woman he adored told him he had a great intuition, which he found pleasurable. When he started reading more about it and discovered he was an HSP, a lot of things started falling into place for him. George was able to accept his sensitivity and understand how it has helped him to build a successful career, also sometimes intervening with it and keeping him away from people.

HSP's success factors
When we talk, George admits that had he known about his trait earlier, he might have been as successful, but would have paid a lower price for that. He wouldn’t force himself to work or be in the meetings when he really felt he needed time to rest and think. He might have chosen to structure his day in a different way, so that he has more time for reflection and having more meaningful conversations with fewer people.

He also understands now why he has always avoided large social gatherings and how somehow he never got the clients from these events, although it’s a common belief that you need to socialize to build your network. The truth is that HSPs hate chit-chat, and are far better in building deep and long-lasting relationships than doing small talks.

If you are a Highly Sensitive Person, it’s not uncommon to worry about being overwhelmed at work or feeling that you react to certain things stronger than most people. Yet, this is not an obstacle for a successful career (and again, not an illness or something that needs to be cured). Simply being aware of this trait and knowing how to structure your life around it and “sell” its advantages to your employer will help.

Also quite a lot of Highly Sensitive People end up working as independent contractors or building their own business because they can’t adapt to the corporate environment (Steve Jobs is a perfect example of an extremely successful visionary HSP). The good news is that you can learn to manage your trait very efficiently, and make it your competitive advantage. If you want to learn how to have a successful career or business being an HSP – sign up for my newsletters below. In these newsletters, I am discussing suitable career and business strategies for HSPs and how they can become successful while remaining who they really are – intuitive and sensitive human beings.

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Anastasia Dedyukhina, professional coach, start-up mentor and a highly sensitive person

The Gift and Challenge of Being Highly Sensitive

25/4/2015

Have you ever been told that you are too sensitive or overreacting, especially as a kid? If so, chances are that you belong to approximately 20% of the population, who researchers call Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). They aren't by any mean neurotics or introverts - HSPs are perfectly normal mentally and enjoy being around others, but are much more sensitive to various stimuli in their environment - whether it’s noise, smell, or the mood of people around them.

Some people are born with blue eyes, and some are with brown. HSPs are born with high sensitivity. They always know how you are feeling, or sense that something has happened without asking, and pay a lot of attention to the smallest details. For this reason they often end up working as helping professionals, such as psychologists, social or charity workers. They are deeply moved by arts and music, and so many of them can be found in artistic circles, too.

Their brain is believe to react differently to various stimuli, trying to process more information at once than "normal" people". HSPs are believed to have a very important evolutionary role in the society - using their intuition, they can sense any upcoming changes or danger in the environment much faster than others, and alert them, helping the human species to survive.

It's interesting to note that other animals, including monkeys, also have Highly Sensitive species among them, and so they clearly serve some great evolutionary purpose.

Drawbacks of being highly sensitive

High Sensitivity, though, comes with a big price. HSPs get easily overwhelmed by excessive stimulation - for instance, when the music is too loud, or when they have too many things going on at the same time. Highly sensitive children can fall sick if they have been communicating for too long with their counterparts just because they got too many impressions. These people are most often exposed to psychosomatic illnesses and need considerable amount of time to withdraw from social life to recharge their batteries. HSPs are not necessarily introverts though - it has been calculated that about 30% of highly sensitive people are in fact extraverted, and many introverts are not highly sensitive, either.

No wonder that to those who aren’t highly senstivie, HSPs might seem too demanding, difficult or fragile, and might be tricky to understand, especially in an office space. If put in the right environment, HSPs would thrive, but in a wrong environment they completely shut down, or become antisocial and difficult to deal with.

Although high sensitivity is equally distributed between men and women, it is largely believed in most societies that it's more natural for a woman, and not for a man, to be sensitive, and so it takes enormous courage to a highly sensitive man to stick to his true nature and not shut down.

Often because people who are born highly sensitive aren’t encouraged enough to cultivate that in their early childhood (Oh, sweetheart, you are too sensitive - you shouldn’t be that way! is a common way to shut your sensitivity down), they develop layers and layers of protection. To an outsider, a well-adapted HSP can appear hypermasculine or extremely practical and cynical. But behind that shell, there’s a very delicate nature that can be a big advantage - if properly used.

Another survival strategy an HSP can adopt is to avoid difficult or challenging situations that might potentially overwhelm him. They are likely to try to avoid a conflict or drama at all costs, often at the expense of their own boundaries.

How to live as a highly sensitive person?

So how do you thrive if you are a highly sensitive person? Chances are, you have already developed some strategy throughout your childhood and it has been more or less successful since you are alive and reading this post. However, instead of survival mechanism, you may want to look at other strategies to adapt that will allow yourself to thrive and use your gift and not just bear it.

First of all, please, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Yes, you are in the minority and most people are not like you, but this does not mean that you are crazy or need to be fixed in any way. Quite the opposite - because only a few people have this gift, what you might for years have been thinking is your great weakness can actually be your greatest strength. Some of the most successful business people are highly sensitive, because they can sense opportunities before anyone else does. They are able to become great leaders because they feel the mood and desires of people around them.
If you are a men, being highly sensitive does not mean that you're not masculine - but your partners might find it much easier to connect with you!

Give yourself a permission to be highly sensitive - because a lot of people may benefit from your gift in professional and personal life. As a highly sensitive person, you need to be aware of the fact that it’s perfectly normal to want to withdraw from time to time, and so need to organize your life accordingly and let people around you know about it. Even if you are working in an office, it’s perfectly fine to want to hide in a closed room with your cup of coffee for some time and yet afterwards want to talk to people again.

As an HSP, you need to watch very carefully how much time you are spending online and connected. If you are on your phone/laptop 24/7, chances are that you are overstimulating yourself and getting exhausted. You more than anyone else need to be able to consciously unplug.

How to deal with a highly sensitive person

When dealing with a highly sensitive person, please, take into account that they might overreact to many things, and easily get exhausted if they get too much information at once. If you are a boss and one of your employees is constantly spending time in the bathroom or asks to work from home, there’s a chance that they are not simply trying to skive off work, but are a self-adjusting HSP. One highly sensitive person I talked complained that she absolutely could not stay in the shop she was working in because it had music in the background, and she was strongly disturbed by it. Her bosses could not believe that until she showed them the research on HSPs.

A highly sensitive child needs very strong discipline and boundaries to enable him to function well in the society. Because they have a stronger need to withdraw, make sure that they don’t have their communication devices on and with them all the time - they need some rest time, even though they might not yet recognize it. They are also more influenced by anything around them, so you need to watch them very carefully for any negative influence.

Highly sensitive people who experienced problems in their childhood are more at risk to suffer from different kinds of disorders, including depression, anxiety or various dependancies. However, those whose childhoods have been normal, are no different to others (perhaps, as the researchers point out, are even slightly happier). So nurture your highly sensitive child (or your inner child if you are highly sensitive yourself), and you're likely to feel happier than most of others.

If you are curious whether you are a highly sensitive person, you may want to take this test to determine it (takes only a couple of minutes), or come back to it after you're finished reading.

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How to survive the job search marathon

24/4/2015

Have you left the job you really hated to look for something more fulfilling, or planning to do so in the nearest future? There are three key things you need to aware of if you want to transition through this period painlessly.

Frustration is inevitable.

Let’s face it - job search is not the most exciting way to pass one’s time. Even if you completely hated your previous job, after the first few weeks euphoria will pass and you may discover that freedom is not as attractive as you had depicted it to be.

Your real challenge will start after you’re done with “enjoying the beautiful weather” and have caught up with all the friends you planned at least twice. Life may start feeling meaningless, especially if you aren’t quite sure about what you want, and just know what you don’t want to (stay in the job you hate!).

Be prepared that your days will consist of endless follow up emails and calls accompanied by a blunt mixture of fear and frustration. You may stop picking up your friends’ calls because you’ll dread the question that will be asked - so, how is the job search?

What to do about it:

Create some structure and routine for yourself throughout the day you can stick to no matter what. The fact that you aren’t working does not automatically mean you should wonder half-naked around the house.

Looking for a job will become your full-time job, but it should be structured just as any other job. Set yourself some goals for the day, so that you continue feeling that you have accomplished something - i.e. send out 10 resumes per day. Make sure you have goals outside your job search as well - you can sign up to volunteer, start learning something new online, reading 10 pages of a book, doing 50 squats etc.

A famous psychologist Viktor Frankl who spent years in nacist camps concluded that people who survived genocide had one thing in common - their lives had some meaning and they had a goal (like helping others, or thinking about a scientific problem they’ll be able to explore once they are out of the camp). Set goals up for yourself.

2. You’ll eat yourself alive with self-criticism

The worst thing that can happen is no that you don’t get an interview or job offer, but that you start asking yourself questions when things don’t work out for some time.

What if this is forever? What if I don’t find anything more meaningful and am just a dreamer? What if I am not good for anything else and should have just stayed where I was?

We really excel at creating a hell for ourselves with our own hands. People who are especially good at that are those who have been more successful, as they tend to have many more expectations about what they should do and what the world should look like.

What to do about it

Give yourself time and space. Figuring out what you really want can take some time, and it’s a matter of trying, not thinking. If you are really limited with your funds, you may want to have a temporary solution in place not to get into survival mode.

You are not doing yourself any service by demanding results right now and not giving yourself permission to recover (honestly, does it really help that you are torturing yourself again and again and again)?

Be kind to yourself. Your situation is not easy by itself. The frustration you are experiencing can be tremendously reduced if you stop demanding from yourself immediate results and give yourself time.

Please, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Start re-building your confidence - if you’ve spent time in an unsuitable role or environment, chances are that it is strongly undermined. Ask your friends to mention your great qualities to you, or write down all the experiences when you felt like a winner and re-read them on a daily basis.

3. You’ll start postponing your life until you find a job

You might start running out of money, and so decide that you should not be entertaining yourself until you’ve found something.

Even when they have enough funds, people in such situations often get into the “scarcity” mentality and stop denying themselves every single pleasure that costs money (and any other, too), not because they really can’t but because they are essentially postponing their lives until they find a job. This is what makes the job search situation so unbearable for most of them.

What to do about it.

Your life might be frustrating at times, but it can also be fun - and fun does not necessarily cost you money. Please, know that your feeling of happiness and fulfillment does NOT depend on whether you find a job tomorrow or not, and you can choose to be happy any time of your life.

Do something on a daily basis to help yourself maintain the positive mode. It’s especially important because when you are trying to achieve something, you need to make sure that you have enough energy to keep yourself going. Negative thoughts and experiences deplete your energy, and positive ones build it up.

So treat it as a marathon preparation - it can be hard at times and you may need to limit yourself for some things. It’s up to you how to remember this period of your life - as something that you were hoping that will pass ASAP, or something that was quite challenging, but also full of new great experiences.

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How to build resilience to cope better with daily stress

6/4/2015

Do you constantly struggle with stress at work? Are you getting anxious before an important client meeting? There's an effective way to build resilience to it!

Researchers from the University of North Carolina conducted an experiment to check how people build resilience to negativity. They showed a short movie to a group of people, provoking in them such negative emotions as anger, fear, sadness etc. After the first movie, some of these people were shown another movie provoking more negative feelings, while other part of the group was shown a positive movie. Having measured the heart rate and brain activity of participants, researchers discovered that those who saw two negative movies at once took considerably longer to recover their natural heart rhythm than those who were shown a negative and then a positive movie.

What this means in practice is that if something negative happens to you, you can reduce its impact on you by consciously choosing to do something positive afterwards. Here's how to do it:

Pick one positive emotion. Think of the times when you were unconditionally happy, or in love, or trusting, or full of joy etc. Do you have any physical items, or music, or pictures associated with these periods of your life? Be really selective and only pick the strongest items!

Collect them and put in one special place – a box, perhaps, or an online folder if you only have digital images and music. If you don’t have any specific items, just find some that associate with this feeling.

Take your time when you are building this portfolio, enjoy the process and watch the feeling that arouses. Now every time you are feeling down, you can open your “joy magic box”, or “love magic box” and go through the items helping your brain and heart recover faster! You can also use it if you are nervous before an important meeting to “charge” yourself positively – I find that it does miracles for me!

Remember that as with every magic object, it needs your constant attention – the more you go through it, the stronger your positive feelings become! Oh, and do not tell anyone about it, otherwise the magic disappears!

Need that kick to get your life going?
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Who is Anastasia?

Chief inspirator, start-up mentor, professional Co-Active life coach and career coach, systems worker and passionate tango dancer. Get to know me!

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