The short answer is, no.

I often get clients who think that bragging is below their standards, and their great professionalism should speak for itself. They come to me after they didn’t get a promotion or realize they are severely underpaid, often resentful and perplexed about why others don’t appreciate their work. This happens to both genders, but women in particular and all highly sensitive people are prone to this problem.

It’s no fault of theirs, of course, as we’re told early on that we should do a good job, and people will notice. Unfortunately, this is only part of the truth. We are taught how to be professional, but not how to build relationships, which defines at least 50% of your career or business success. In fact, the lack of self-promotion is called one of the top career blockers. 

People around you live in their own bubbles, have their own agendas, and are overwhelmed most of the time (just think how many emails one gets per day!) Of course, they will only notice what’s on the surface – and it’s your, and not their job to build the bridge! When you say that your work should speak for itself, what you are essentially saying is “I don’t want to deal with relationships”. Funny enough, this is the opposite of what you want for yourself – arrogance instead of respect.

Nobody likes a bragger. What people like to know though is what’s in there for them. The massive difference between bragging and explaining people how what you do helps them/the company is that the first one creates resentment, and the second one builds relationships. 

This week, I invite you to think about how your work is helping people around you, and find an opportunity to talk about it in their own language. I’m looking forward to hearing how this one goes (and if you want to learn about more authentic self-promotion strategies, I'll be happy to chat about individual coaching)!

I have just finished running a free coaching training called The Money Marathon, where participants for one week were given a virtual sum of money to spend every day. This helped them explore, what was in the way of getting as much money as they wanted. I'm sharing below some observations and tips that will hopefully be helpful to everyone who wants more financial abundance in the lives. These tips will be especially useful for you if you don't care much about money, and think there are more important things in life.

1. Money is NEVER a problem
Spending petty cash daily is easy, and this gives us an excuse that "we have no money to follow our dreams". However, when The Money Marathon participants were suggested to spend large sums (from 50,000 pounds and above) and the money suddenly stopped being a problem, most of them still felt very uncomfortable and ended up spending on things they didn't think they need or refused to spend it at all! What often blocks us from abundance is not money, but unwillingness to take the responsibility for our own decisions, to make choices, or the fear of making a mistake.
What to do about it: to identify your blockage around, train your imagination. Imagine you needed to spend a certain sum daily (without being able to save it for the next day), and multiply it by 2 every day. When do you get blocked?

2. Silence these voices
If you lack money, you most likely subconsciously associate it with problems. For instance, if you believe that "earning money means sacrificing my health", of course you would avoid any opportunity to earn a bit of cash, or only find those that actually make their life harder, making this belief a self-fulfilling prophecy. As absurd as it may sound, such beliefs often come from our family and often act on a subconscious level and are often difficult to identify.

What to do about it: make them conscious! Do an audit of your beliefs about money and check where these beliefs come from (most likely you inherited it from your close family members). Then decide if you still want to use it in your life, and if not, reformulate it into something better.
For example, if your belief is "earning money costs health", and this has got you to the place where you aren't earning anything and as a result you are constantly stressed and got sick because of it, this isn't a very good belief, is it? So you can consciously re-formulate it into something like "Earning money allows me to take of my health".

3. Use your body wisdom
Your body is the first to know whether you have any blocks around money. It will know that faster than your brain (no wonder, as it has millions of nerve cells perceiving information!). You will feel discomfort or a liberating sensation when thinking about spending it in a particular way.

How to use it: If you need to make an important purchase (i.e. a new car, or a new house), but have no money for it, use your body to experience what it could be like to own this thing. Go to a test-drive, try on some really luxurious items in the shop or arrange a few viewings of flats (even though you don't currently have any cash in hand). Money may not fall out of nowhere, but when you use your body to experience what it's like to "own" the thing, you get more motivated to look for ways to earn/gain money. Many people who used this trick found ways to get credit/earn extra within weeks of engaging their body into the process.

4. Time IS money
Often people who struggle with earning or saving money also struggle with time management. Think about how you spend money and compare with how you spend time. What do you spend it? How do you talk to yourself when you procrastinate? Do you value your time, or are you happy to give it to anyone who asks for it at any point? Do you make "time investment" into some activities that are important to you? What are some patterns between spending money and time that you can identify?

I'd love to read how these tips make a difference - post them in the comments!

You can read the whole marathon tasks and do them here - Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6 and Day 7.

It’s the last day of the marathon, and a somewhat unusual one. No spending today. Instead, I will tell you a story about Richard Branson.

​When he was still in the early stages of building his business empire, Branson and his girlfriend went to take a break on British Virgin Isles. Somebody told him that when people say they wanted to buy an island, they got to stay in a local villa for free, and so Branson played as if he was going to buy islands. He and his girlfriend toured islands daily, asking whether the agency had any other islands on sale (of course Branson wasn’t going to buy anything as it was far beyond his budget, it was just a way to extend his free stay).
At some point, there was only one island left to watch, called Necker. And here something unexpected happened: Branson liked it so much that he wanted to buy it, and asked how much it was. $6M, he was told. Branson made a counteroffer: $150,000 (he didn't have even this money at hand, but this seemed reasonable to collect). His proposal was not met with a great understanding, and the agent kicked Branson out of the villa straight after.
However, the Necker island got into Branson's head. So when back to London, he found the way to get in touch directly with the owner and repeated his proposal, which was rejected again. However, a few months later, the owner got back to him and said he was ready to sell the island for $180,000 as he was in a desperate need of cash.

The moral of today's story is, never assume you can’t afford something until you tried.

So today we will challenge ourselves a bit to play “Richard Branson” and try your "Necker island" on yourself. Pick one place where they sell something that’s potentially too expensive for you (good cars, luxury underwear, real estate agency). Go there today and try it on yourself. Then describe the experience in the comments. Notice, I am not asking you to commit to buying anything, just to experience what it's like to actually live this life for an hour?
If you feel scared and resistant to do this task, explore this resistance. What exactly are you afraid of? Identify where the resistance is in your body and talk to it, as we've previously done.

Tomorrow - a final post about the whole marathon with some conclusions and recommendations.
​Previous challenges here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5 and Day 6.

Well done everyone who passed the previous days! Only two days of the Marathon left, and here's your next task! Note: do not do this challenge unless you've done the previous ones, otherwise you will find it difficult.

1.    Today you’ve got £200,000 (or $290,000) to spend in any way you want to (spend all or partially, save etc).

• What’s changing?
• How are you feeling right now?
• What will you spend it on?
• Breath in and listen to yourself – any blocks in the body?

2.    Imagine I asked you to do something that feels very uncomfortable: i.e. go into an expensive restaurant, in a super luxurious shop, test-drive a car you would never ever be able to afford, ask for a business loan etc. It needs to be something that makes you scared and around what you have a belief “I will never be able to afford this to myself”.

• What’s the feeling arising when I ask you to think about it?
• What are you scared of?
• How would you prepare yourself to doing this in stages?

Traditionally, post your answers in the comments!
​Previous challenges here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4 and Day 5.

We've done great work over the last few days. Today is the time to start doing a bit of reflection. I also encourage you to read other people's comments as we often find that we have some limitations while reading what others say.

1.    Look at your answers over the last 4 days. What are you noticing about your beliefs around money? Is there some part of yourself that seems to be afraid of money?
How does it do it (either by preventing you from earning or making you spend uncontrollably)? 
Imagine what this part may look like and talk to it. Ask it what it’s wanting for you and from you? Why is it trying to make you get rid of money/not earn any?

2.    Now (and only after you’ve talked to this part) get to your new spending: £10,000 (or $14,500) to spend today plus £50,000 to spend in any way to you want, not necessarily today.
​
What’s the feeling arising? Is this scary?
Do you feel like you’d like to stop following the marathon? Notice whatever is appearing, and identify where this resistance "sits" in your body.

Post your answers as comments here if you want feedback! 
If you are just joining, here are Day 1, Day 2, Day 3 and Day 4 of the marathon.

You've been doing great on spending money so far. It's getting more complicated now. Two tasks today:

1.    You get to spend £5,000 (or $7,250) today (and only today, all money will disappear at midnight unless spent). What will you spend it on (again, as before, be as specific as you can)?

​2.    Now second part – in addition to this part, you suddenly receive £25,000, which you can spend in any way you want (i.e. save, invest etc – it won’t disappear).
a) What do you do with this money?
b) What happens with your body and feelings when you read this task and when you are thinking how you'll spend it?

If you just joined the Money Marathon, here're Day 1, Day 2 and Day 3 tasks.

Awesome work, everyone! It's day three of our marathon! If you just joined the marathon, Day 1 and Day 2 are here. 
Today’s 2-part task:

1. Spending day again. It’s £5,000 to spend today (or $7,250). Oh, yes.
Condition: all this money MUST be spent today. As you are spending, answer these four questions:
a)    What’s the feeling arising when you hear that you need to spend this money today? Lightness, happiness or discomfort? Where do you feel this sensation? What is it like?

b)    Will you discuss with anyone the spending or tell anyone about the money?

c)    What will you spend it on (please, be very specific as in the Day 2 post – actually plan your spending, study the prices, imagine/describe the experiences or things you’ll buy. I.e. instead of saying “I will buy a new bag” say “I will get a dark grey Chanel bag for £2,700). I want you to experience the spending process with as many sense as you can, ok?

d)    What’s happening with your body when you imagine yourself spending this money?

2. Remember, what’s the favourite phrase/tradition in the family regarding money? For example, “we have no money for it”. Or “earning money is difficult, don’t waste it”, or maybe some story related to money comes up for you (how somebody lost/found it etc).

Share your answers in comments!

Well done everyone who answered yesterday's questions! Today we continue to examine the patterns of your perception and behaviour in regards to money. 

Today, you get £3,000 (or $4,400) to spend under one condition: you MUST spend it before the end of the day. You cannot put it in the bank/save etc. - everything must be spent before Wednesday!

1. What will you spend it on? 
When writing an answer to this question, please be as specific as possible. I.e. do not generally write "I'll get a private tuition with a piano teacher, go to the restaurant, book a massage and buy a dress", but specify, what you will eat (study the menu!), what kind of dress it will be, where the massage will happen etc, and what it should cost.

For instance:
- Private class with a piano teacher in The Royal Opera House - 200 pounds
- Buy a beautiful long purple dress made of silk in Harvey Nichols - 850 pounds
- Buy a train ticket from London to Paris for 250 pounds to go out to Jules Verne restaurant, ordering the experience 6 course menu for 230 euro.

Got it? Really do your research, study the website or go out and check the place where you'd love to go!

2. What is the sensation in the body when you are working on this task?
Do you feel excitement, warmth, or are you short of breath, frozen etc? Are all parts of your body feeling the same? Where exactly do you have sensations you can identify?

Post your answers below and check this space later as I might ask you extra questions!

Welcome to The Money Marathon! For 7 consecutive days, you will get one exercise per day that will help you understand how you relate to money, identify any blockages you have around getting or saving it, and learn to claim your self-worth. Post your answers to your daily tasks in the comments to this post or on our Facebook page

Here’s the task for day one. Do them one buy one as you read questions, don’t jump to question 3 until you’ve done the first two!

1. Imagine that you have found £1,500 (around $2,200). Assume it’s you who forgot it somewhere/or you can’t find the owner/or you brought it to the police and they said you can take it for yourself/or whatever makes you feel comfortable to actually have it now.What will you do with this money? What will you spend it on? What will you NOT spend it on? Will you tell your family you found this amount?
 
2. Now imagine your closest ones have found the same amount (your mom, dad, grandparents or whoever has been your caregiver and shaped you in your childhood). How will they spend this money? What will they NOT spend it on? (If you can’t ask them, assume what they would’ve done). 

​3. Now look at your answers. What are some patterns in your perception around money do you notice? What do these patterns have to do with your family history? Write your answers in the comments! 

UPD I changed the comments settings to private as a few people didn't feel comfortable to share their money stories on Facebook. However, this has removed all your previous comments! Sorry about it and please post them again in this new format if you want to. ​

Have you always wanted to do something meaningful? Are you longing to lead a life that will really make you feel truly fulfilled? Want to build your business, or make a real change in the world? Do you know deep inside what you really wish for, and yet sense that something is holding you back? Here are seven lessons I’ve learned from the first year of being a solo entrepreneur.
​
1.There will never be the perfect moment for it
You will never be earning enough money to give you complete financial security. You will never be qualified or knowledgeable enough to start your own thing or make that next step. You will never have just the right level of support. Even if you pay thousands of pounds to your coach, counsellor, business advisor etc, they won’t do the job for you – you will still have to take the risk and do YOUR part of the work. Your 100%. There’ll be no one to blame apart from yourself if you fail. But tomorrow will never be better than today, unless you start doing something today. One day pain of not changing will become bigger than the pain of changing, and you will have to make this step.

2.You will sabotage yourself every day, and will still make progress
Most of us know exactly what kind of life they’d love to live, but there are always voices that are holding us back. Once you step on the path of change, these voices get loud. Really loud. Every day you’ll be asking yourself whether you’re doing the right thing, and who are you to do what you do. After every mistake you’ll make (and be sure you’ll make every possible mistake you can make) they’ll be telling you that you’re a failure and shouldn’t have ever tried. You may discover that you’re not returning important calls and ignoring life-changing messages. You may discover you’re spending hours sitting pointlessly online. It’s part of the game, and don’t believe anyone who says they never had self-doubt or never sabotaged themselves. Learn to deal with it (or get a coach to help you overcome it, it’s all manageable).

3.You will run out of money much faster than you think
Yes, it will happen, and likely not only once. You will constantly need to be thinking about ways to refill your wallet, and it will make you very distracted from focusing on your business. You will have to learn to juggle your insecurity and your business growth. That’s the only way.

4.You won’t figure out how things work. It will stop bothering you though.
You will try doing a thousand things, and will fail a thousand times, and all of a sudden some of these things will work (and most will never work). You probably will never understand why, but with experience you will stop trying to understand it and focus on what works. Remember the old game of hot and cold, when an object was hidden and if you were getting close to it, your playmate said “hot”? You’ll learn to get into your “hot” spot without rationalizing why it’s hot.

5.You’ll be constantly torn between feeling very happy and extremely unsatisfied
Every night will consist of thinking of everything you could and should have done today for your business, and beating up yourself for the fact that you didn’t. And yet, you’ll be very happy for everything you’ve managed to do, if you did at least something, and for the lifestyle you’ll be leading. At this stage, it’s very important to let go of the notion that you can do everything, and remind yourself about your victories, not just failures.

6.Relationships and social life will lose its appeal
You will find yourself more willing to spend the evening on the sofa with your laptop, rather than going out or meeting new people (or developing existing relationships). Making a first sale will make you more excited than a best date. You will become an obsessed self-centered maniac who only is interested in talking to people as long as they listen to him talking about his new product. Friends on Facebook will start unfriending you because you will constantly be trying to sell something to them without even realizing that.
​
7.Making the future non-negotiable is the best thing you can do to support yourself
There’s a reason so many entrepreneurs talk about Vision (and pay a lot of money to coaches and consultants to get one). When you are immersed in your daily routine, it’s very easy to forget about the big Why – Why you are doing all that, and what would it be like to live your dream. This is what gives you energy.
Getting in touch with my imaginary future and sticking to this vision as something that’s non-negotiable was by far the biggest thing that helped me stay on track and build resilience. Clients often want to talk about practical steps they can’t figure out, but the moment they get connected to their Vision, they get all the steps in front of them automatically. Sticking to the vision IS the most difficult part of being an entrepreneur, figuring out the ways to get there is the easiest one.

I have never come across a client who felt enthusiastic about working on their CV. Of course, they know that a well-written resume is a must and not having it stands in the way of getting a dream job. And yet, they can spend weeks caught up between blame and procrastination, complaining of not being able to choose the right words, not knowing how to describe their responsibilities or unsure of what their dream job is.
If you recognize yourself in this description and want to create a great CV at long last, you may find the following three tips useful:

1. Tell your story in your own words
When a client brings her resume to our meeting, I don’t look at it. Instead, I ask her to tell me a story about the person from this CV. I ask the following questions to make the storytelling easier:

• What did this person enjoy doing? What did she hate?
  
• What is she proud of having accomplished (if nothing in any of the jobs, what was she proud of having accomplished at school/university/in extra-curricular activities)?
  
• What were some of the things that worked well for this person in her previous jobs and what things didn’t work so well?
  

When a client starts telling a story about themselves, all of a sudden she feels more alive and engaged, and stops using bureacratic language to describe her work experience, replacing it with vivid and lively wording.
If you’ve spent a lot of time on editing your CV and haven’t made much progress, it’s often a good idea to close the old version altogether and write a completely new one from the scratch as answers to the questions above. Your story will come much more fluid and natural, and you’ll enjoy working on it.

2. Focus on the future, don’t dwell on the past
If you want to be inspired, your resume should look into the future, and not reflect your past.
Often people who want to progress in their career get caught up in labels. For instance, if their last job was called “personal assistant” or “marketing manager”, in their resume they may still use terminology of a “personal assistant” to describe their responsibilities and achievements, like “scheduling meetings”, or “booking flights”. However, if they don’t want to be a personal assistant anymore, they need to change the language!
Because they feel uninspired about what they did, they often choose uninspiring words to describe this experience. No wonder they get really bored working on their CV!
If you want to progress from “marketing manager” to “marketing director”, you need to start thinking as a marketing director, and choose the words and experiences accordingly.
Start with inspiration. Imagine that you’re already doing something that you have always wanted to do. Think about your daily life, how you get to your office and what it looks like, what you are wearing, what people you sit next to etc. Imagine this in every possible detail.
Now think about what in your previous job helped you be successful in your new role? Very important - think about it as if you were already in the desired position. Perhaps, as a “personal assistant” you learned to organize well the work process for your boss - how can you reframe this skill in your new, more senior role? Perhaps, something like “operational management”? Write it down and repeat for every major responsibility.
Do you instantly feel yourself more accomplished and inspired?

3. Unsure about the dream job? Be curious and follow the heat
People often get blocked working on a resume because they don’t know what their dream job is, and so see no sense in improving it. The good thing is that you don’t need to have a clear picture in mind to get inspired if you use the following trick.
Remember a child’s play “hot and cold”? A person hides an object and others go searching for it. If they get close to the hidden object, the person says “warm” or “hot”, if they get further away from it, he says “cold” or “freezing”.
Use the same principle in your job search. Open an empty Word doc, then go to a job search website and browse through every possible vacancy on it.  Go through a job description of a dentist, driver, CFO, geologist, and copy-paste to your doc all phrases or words that catch your attention and make you feel "warm" or "hot". It can be a name of a brand, industry, location or responsibilities that make you ignite - keep copying them in the same document.

Don't limit yourself to a particular sector or job you think you might be suitable for. Instead, go totally crazy!
You’ll soon start seeing a pattern, and your “ideal” job will emerge. Maybe you’ll discover it’s all about travel, or helping others, or being in a luxury environment - you’ll notice what really makes you tick and feel inspired.
With that information in mind, you can now think about the industries or companies where these qualities are represented. Check their websites to see how they formulate their job descriptions, and use some of the words from them to tailor your resume for your dream job.

Allow yourself to have fun, and working on your resume will be really easy!

Sign up for free coaching tips newsletter! 

You'll get only one email per month and can unsubscribe any time (and your email will never ever be shared with anyone)

Why would I give it up though in the first place and why is this story worth sharing? I strongly believe that giving up your smartphone is the single best thing you can do to restore your energy, relationships and interest in life without hours of expensive coaching and psychotherapy.

I don’t remember myself being more productive and focused ever since I gave up my android. I started talking to people around, both those I know and I don’t, I am not jigging at the sound of a new incoming email and I am not constantly worried about being left out of touch because my phone is discharged (again).

The irony of this story is that my background is in digital marketing. I am the person who for over than ten years has been selling online goods and services and promoting digital technologies to millions of people on behalf of largest international companies, such as Google. 

Now I’m going to share with you a dirty little secret that you might or might not know. Some of the most influential people in the technology world don’t have smartphones and use the most basic phone models. One of them is Eugene Kaspersky, the founder of Kaspersky lab, the most prominent antivirus software company. I also know a few regional business leaders in telco and tech finance, who for security reasons prefer an old very basic Nokia (this post isn’t sponsored, but Nokia tends to be the leading brand among those). 

There is surely a reason they don’t.

An addicted brain

Fast backward three years ago, when I was getting my first smartphone (because all of my friends had it, and OMG I could get it for free from a network operator!), I suspected that it might have a negative impact on myself, but I thought I would be really careful and not let it suck me in. 

I thought I would only use useful applications (such as a player), and will limit Facebook usage or checking my email. I first got concerned when the productivity app I had installed across my accounts showed me that I was spending between 6-8 hours a day online on my phone. I became a bit more concerned when I suddenly realized that when I was not looking at my phone for more than 15 minutes, I started feeling physically uncomfortable, as if something bad was about to happen. I got truly preoccupied when I realized couldn’t move my right thumb as I could move the left one, and my right hand was feeling tense most of the time. 

I found later that whatever I was experiencing, was confirmed by neuroscienceresearch that says that using smartphone apart from having other negative effects changes your somatosensory cortex. This is a part of your brain that is associated with thumbs, and smartphone users tend to have this area shaped differently compared to the users of regular phones. Scientists think that these changes happen with more usage of a smartphone and might have negative consequences, including chronic pain and movement problems. There's also extensive research into how smartphones negatively impact our relationship.

I must admit that I tried to consciously limit my phone usage, installing different blocking apps, switching on and off the sync function, switching the device altogether for periods of time - nothing really worked for more than a few hours. I felt my calmest when on holidays I would get to a place with no internet connectivity and so wasn't able to use my phone. Every time I went back to London, I promised myself I will keep this feeling of clarity and focus in my head without my phone. I never managed to do that for more than a few days, because the old habit kicked back in.

The last straw was reading a report about how your smartphone collects data about you on a daily basis. When I saw my personal archive in one place online, it was a call to action. 

Hello, I am Anastasia, I am a smartphone addict and I spend my days feeding my personal info for free to whoever wants to see it.

The plan

At long last, I made a plan how to outsmart myself.

I went to a shop and purchased the most basic phone. It cost me something around 20 pounds, and they would give me the same amount of phone calls credit on top, so I basically got it free of charge. The phone was not sexy, it could only call and send text messages and, in fact, it was extremely uncomfortable to type them in. This was exactly what I was looking for.

I got it as a second line and started using it in parallel. It didn’t quite work out initially, because the smartphone was so much more comfortable to use, but I persisted and started leaving the smartphone at home once in a while, or wait until it gets fully discharged and not charge it for some time, using the other phone instead.

This stage took me about three months.

Then I forced myself into the next stage - I decided to get rid of it altogether. I tried storing it in my room - it didn’t work, I kept switching it on even when I was at home. It felt so safe having it in my hand (I swear, this was precisely the emotion I was experiencing).

I couldn’t make the final step until I had a chance to give it away. Because my mother wanted a navigator, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to get her one, and so my phone is now sitting in her car, and doesn’t use it in any other way rather than getting directions (she finds it way too complicated for anything else).

This was in fact the most painful stage, because I had no idea how I will be finding my way, listening to music, staying in touch - I thought I would be completely lost and dependent! However, I still remember the feeling of huge relief and energy uplift the moment I cleaned out all my data on the phone and gave it to my mom. 

It turned out, I would experience far fewer problems that I anticipated. I suddenly discovered that London had city maps every 100 meters, that people in bus stops very willingly would tell me when the next bus is coming, and I wasn’t worried about losing touch with any of my friends because my new phone’s battery lasts for 14 (fourteen!) days without a recharge. I am also not irritating people anymore by putting my phone on the dinner table (although I am sometimes irritated myself because I have nothing to do while they are staring in their screens!)

In summary, what helped me get rid of this habit and make more space in my life and head:

1. Clearly seeing the impact that the phone was having on my nervous system and productivity
   
   
2. Understanding who really benefited from me using it
   
   
3. Getting some authoritative figures as inspiration and example that this is possible (this really made a big difference)
   
   
4. Making gradual change and understanding that limitations don’t work
   
   
5. Getting the device out of the way altogether with a good cause

My next challenge is to limit my overall online activity, and I will be creating a log of my progress and what I feel works and what doesn’t.

PS Is your finger glued to your iPhone and you live in your mailbox? It might be the time to declutter. I am running a 6-weeks digital detox course as part of Consciously Digital™, my second coaching business. It gives you practical tools to manage your online life if you want to be more productive and less stressed, and have more time for things that matter. The next 6-weeks course is starting shortly, so check it out!

I have two questions for you.

First, what are you passionate about?

Second, what does it make you feel when I ask you this question?

The 'passion' question is one of the most commonly asked questions during job interviews and social events, yet a great deal of people struggle to honestly answer it. They might be ok with their current job, they might be even happy about it – but passionate?.. That’s too strong of a word. Let’s face it: there are those lucky chaps who knew what they wanted to do before they learned to walk and just went for it. Most of us are not like this.

Take an example of Kate, a friend of mine (no, it's not Kate in the picture although she's cute, too). She graduated with honors from a top-tier university, and now in her early thirties works as a lawyer for a large City finance firm. She does a good job and keeps her boss and clients happy. However, Kate is getting increasingly tired of an intense work style and wants to change it. She isn’t sure how she should do it though.

Kate has already had a few conversations with people who managed to change their careers, went through a couple of career-related blogs, and even bought a self-help book promising to help her find a fulfilling career. They all suggested to ‘find her passion’. This statement doesn't mean anything to Kate though and makes her feel confused, so she decides to make a list of things she likes. She lists dancing, hiking, cooking, and meeting friends, but doesn't know what to do after the list is built. She can’t pick one hobby and isn’t sure how what she likes can translate into a new meaningful career, let alone help her earn a comparable living. She adds more things to the list, but feels stuck, and eventually starts thinking that something is wrong with her, because she doesn’t seem to find her passion as easily as others do.

The good news is that there’s nothing wrong with Kate or with hundreds of other people who face the same challenge. However, Kate makes a typical mistake as she assumes that finding a passion is a rational linear process and therefore approaches it as she would approach reviewing a legal contract. It’s actually quite the opposite:

Finding one’s passion is a non-linear and an irrational process. One cannot predict where and how it ends up and how long it will take you to get there. It’s also a matter of trying and doing, and not thinking.

Let me explain. What would you do, if I told you that you could do anything and didn't have to worry about your income, house, or family? Probably, something that seems irrational and childish to you – I would love to be a writer, I would like to take a course in photography etc. Notice that tiny moment of an energy burst, of joy, of warmth inside that you experience when you say it before ‘but this is stupid’ kicks in. This is precisely the feeling that ‘passionate’ people experience every day doing what they love to do. This is the feeling that you may want to follow if you want to unfold your passion. By following I mean actually going and doing what you think you might like to do. Notice that this ‘passion’ might not yet have any business idea behind it and you should not have a clear plan of how you can earn cash, it just makes you feel childlike and full of energy.

So don't leave your boring job (yet) if you don't have an alternative guaranteed source of income, just go out there and explore 'ridiculous' and 'stupid' things you might want to do as step one.

Finding your passion is an exploration, a trip into the unknown that might not bring immediate results. You need to simply allow yourself to experience this warm joyful feeling first and follow it. If it disappears, you need to find another thing that triggers it. There is no inconsistency here, we are merely working on making you feel alive first.

I’ve recently been to a presentation at The Escape School, (a place opened by founders of escapethecity.org, where busy City professionals are taught to ‘get unstuck’ and find to do something different for their career. One of the presenters shared a great metaphor: finding your passion is like throwing a tennis ball to a dog, he said. You just throw it and see what happens. Sometimes you might throw too many tennis balls simultaneously and the dog gets confused - it's ok, too.

It’s a difficult idea to digest if you are used to behaving only rationally and always having a clear plan of action, but give it a try. You may also discover that a lot of things that make you feel ‘passionate’ will be very different from your idea of who you are and what you should be. It’s ok, just follow the bursts of energy inside you, the joy – or as Master Yoda would say, feel the force.

So what should my friend Kate do if she wants to find her passion? She needs to stop rationalizing and making lists. She needs to ask herself (or better, ask someone else to ask her) this exact question: what would I do right now, if I could do anything? Then she needs to go and try doing it for a few weeks! Then she might discover she doesn't like it and try something else. Or that she likes it but wouldn't want to spend all her life doing it. Things she will do probably won't bring her money (just yet), but the more alive she feels, the higher her energy level is, and the easier it becomes for her to pick the right people and circumstances to help her make this transition.

Sounds simple? Most people end up only thinking about what they might have liked, but never doing it. Simply trying out stuff is the most difficult thing in finding your passion – and the only one that really works.

Sign up below to receive similar posts and free coaching tips by email once a month.
You can unsubscribe at any time!

You might have noticed that I wasn't posting much lately. I suddenly got wiped away by a few unexpected events. A big and very demanding change management project came out of the blue, a closest family member got very sick so I was in the hospital 24/7, I've got a gas leak in one flat and a nonpaying tenant in the other… Not sure there was a single area of my life that wasn't affected in the last couple of months. 
 
There’s wisdom in every disaster though, and I'd like to share with you what I've learnt from going through this hurricane.
 
We all have these periods of our lives when things go wrong, and the universe just seems to be adding more and more things to the plate. How do you behave in these situations?
 
I found myself trying to control more and more as events were getting less and less predictable. Did it improve anything? Nope. Instead, it led me to a 3-hour sleep at night and total inability to say anything on top of ‘go do it now’ to people around. Not great communication skills, I’m telling you. Trying to control things is precisely what you DON’T want to do when life starts throwing stuff at you.
 
A perfectionist inside us keeps telling us that we haven’t done enough and haven’t been good enough – and this is why it all shit is happening. The truth is, in every single moment each of us does everything we can, but in some situations we simply can't do more, we are not enough. This is by far the most difficult truth to recognize.
 
So, if you want to survive through a period of massive change, stop pretending you can control things you cannot, and concentrate on what you can control.
 
I’ll give you a metaphor that helped me. My tennis coach keeps repeating that the major difference between good and bad players is that good players know that they cannot control the ball. They can only control the position of the racket and their own posture, and this hopefully creates the desired outcome. Same with skiing - can you control how much snow is on the slope or people around you? The only thing that’s within your control is your own body and reaction, and hopefully speed.
 
Your internal self-manager knows what you can control – so if you are overwhelmed, start talking to him. Imagine you’re getting a lesson from a ski instructor or a tennis coach: what would they tell you about your life? What’s in your posture (attitude) that you need to change? What can you really control right now? What are you trying to control instead?
 
Don't try to be planning anything when things go crazy. Instead, create basic daily rituals that will help you throughout the day. Like, no matter what, I’m having 15 minutes every day in the morning drinking my coffee. No matter what, every night I go out for 15 minutes before the bed to have some fresh air. These little things will give you a sense of control of some parts of your life, and help focus on yourself rather than the outside world, no matter how crazy it gets.

If so, sign up for my free coaching tips to get monthly emails full of useful advice!