You might have noticed that I wasn't posting much lately. I suddenly got wiped away by a few unexpected events. A big and very demanding change management project came out of the blue, a closest family member got very sick so I was in the hospital 24/7, I've got a gas leak in one flat and a nonpaying tenant in the other… Not sure there was a single area of my life that wasn't affected in the last couple of months.
There’s wisdom in every disaster though, and I'd like to share with you what I've learnt from going through this hurricane.
We all have these periods of our lives when things go wrong, and the universe just seems to be adding more and more things to the plate. How do you behave in these situations?
I found myself trying to control more and more as events were getting less and less predictable. Did it improve anything? Nope. Instead, it led me to a 3-hour sleep at night and total inability to say anything on top of ‘go do it now’ to people around. Not great communication skills, I’m telling you. Trying to control things is precisely what you DON’T want to do when life starts throwing stuff at you.
A perfectionist inside us keeps telling us that we haven’t done enough and haven’t been good enough – and this is why it all shit is happening. The truth is, in every single moment each of us does everything we can, but in some situations we simply can't do more, we are not enough. This is by far the most difficult truth to recognize.
So, if you want to survive through a period of massive change, stop pretending you can control things you cannot, and concentrate on what you can control.
I’ll give you a metaphor that helped me. My tennis coach keeps repeating that the major difference between good and bad players is that good players know that they cannot control the ball. They can only control the position of the racket and their own posture, and this hopefully creates the desired outcome. Same with skiing - can you control how much snow is on the slope or people around you? The only thing that’s within your control is your own body and reaction, and hopefully speed.
Your internal self-manager knows what you can control – so if you are overwhelmed, start talking to him. Imagine you’re getting a lesson from a ski instructor or a tennis coach: what would they tell you about your life? What’s in your posture (attitude) that you need to change? What can you really control right now? What are you trying to control instead?
Don't try to be planning anything when things go crazy. Instead, create basic daily rituals that will help you throughout the day. Like, no matter what, I’m having 15 minutes every day in the morning drinking my coffee. No matter what, every night I go out for 15 minutes before the bed to have some fresh air. These little things will give you a sense of control of some parts of your life, and help focus on yourself rather than the outside world, no matter how crazy it gets.
There’s wisdom in every disaster though, and I'd like to share with you what I've learnt from going through this hurricane.
We all have these periods of our lives when things go wrong, and the universe just seems to be adding more and more things to the plate. How do you behave in these situations?
I found myself trying to control more and more as events were getting less and less predictable. Did it improve anything? Nope. Instead, it led me to a 3-hour sleep at night and total inability to say anything on top of ‘go do it now’ to people around. Not great communication skills, I’m telling you. Trying to control things is precisely what you DON’T want to do when life starts throwing stuff at you.
A perfectionist inside us keeps telling us that we haven’t done enough and haven’t been good enough – and this is why it all shit is happening. The truth is, in every single moment each of us does everything we can, but in some situations we simply can't do more, we are not enough. This is by far the most difficult truth to recognize.
So, if you want to survive through a period of massive change, stop pretending you can control things you cannot, and concentrate on what you can control.
I’ll give you a metaphor that helped me. My tennis coach keeps repeating that the major difference between good and bad players is that good players know that they cannot control the ball. They can only control the position of the racket and their own posture, and this hopefully creates the desired outcome. Same with skiing - can you control how much snow is on the slope or people around you? The only thing that’s within your control is your own body and reaction, and hopefully speed.
Your internal self-manager knows what you can control – so if you are overwhelmed, start talking to him. Imagine you’re getting a lesson from a ski instructor or a tennis coach: what would they tell you about your life? What’s in your posture (attitude) that you need to change? What can you really control right now? What are you trying to control instead?
Don't try to be planning anything when things go crazy. Instead, create basic daily rituals that will help you throughout the day. Like, no matter what, I’m having 15 minutes every day in the morning drinking my coffee. No matter what, every night I go out for 15 minutes before the bed to have some fresh air. These little things will give you a sense of control of some parts of your life, and help focus on yourself rather than the outside world, no matter how crazy it gets.
Was it useful?
If so, sign up for my free coaching tips to get monthly emails full of useful advice!
