The Money Marathon: Day 5 (Friday)

19/2/2016

We've done great work over the last few days. Today is the time to start doing a bit of reflection. I also encourage you to read other people's comments as we often find that we have some limitations while reading what others say.

1. Look at your answers over the last 4 days. What are you noticing about your beliefs around money? Is there some part of yourself that seems to be afraid of money?
How does it do it (either by preventing you from earning or making you spend uncontrollably)?
Imagine what this part may look like and talk to it. Ask it what it’s wanting for you and from you? Why is it trying to make you get rid of money/not earn any?

2. Now (and only after you’ve talked to this part) get to your new spending: £10,000 (or $14,500) to spend today plus £50,000 to spend in any way to you want, not necessarily today.

What’s the feeling arising? Is this scary?
Do you feel like you’d like to stop following the marathon? Notice whatever is appearing, and identify where this resistance "sits" in your body.

Post your answers as comments here if you want feedback!
If you are just joining, here are Day 1, Day 2, Day 3 and Day 4 of the marathon.

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7 Comments

19/2/2016 11:06:47 am

I am scared of keeping money. If I've got it I spend it. My parents saved every penny for their old age and when it came to it didn't buy the things they needed to make life comfortable. They worried about my sibling as they had a weak disposition and wanted them to be ok, I appear stronger and so it felt like there was nothing for me unless I was in dire need.

I would spend the 10 thousand on a super family holiday and the 50

Anastasia

19/2/2016 03:32:59 pm

What would you do with 50? Your comment probably didn't publish altogether.
So looking at your money spending/earning patters, what are some beliefs that become obvious to you about money that you have?

Helena

20/2/2016 01:29:29 am

What’s really surprising is that I absolutely didn’t think of sharing the money with anyone or giving it to anyone, unless reminded (always thought of myself as a generous person), but also didn’t think about investing it into my business. Like, there’s the concept of “investment” that I completely lack, and it seems that even when I have money I am also postponing any of my plans to see what’s going to happen (maybe there’ll be something better to spend it on! Maybe I will need it for an emergency!)

Also the more money I get the more I have a desire to use it for something meaningful (or not use at all), where is when I get little money, I tend to spend it all on petty things. And this is probably why I don’t want to give it to anyone – it feels like I am giving away my own opportunities.

I think there’s a part of myself that’s afraid of choosing and making the wrong choices in case something better comes up, and prefers to have all opportunities in front of myself always available. This postpones a lot of things in my life, as if I were sitting and waiting for something to happen (good or bad).

Talking to this “postponing” part: it feels actually really fearful, it lacks safety and wants to have money on the account. It’s like having all the toys (and not sharing them with anyone, because I may need them!) And when I need them, if I share, they won’t be around. It likes having control over things, and perceives spending as a lack of control/security. And then suddenly there’s another part of myself, which steps in and is totally blank and it doesn’t care how much money is left.

Anastasia

21/2/2016 10:25:54 pm

Sounds to me like you don't want to make a decision or choice and all your spending/non-spending is around it. What's around this decision making or making a choice that's so scary (if that resonates with you)?

Lisa

21/2/2016 01:12:22 pm

I feel as though I have a lot of inner conflicts around money and what I believe about it. On one hand, I have a desire to live on as little money as possible, to somehow prove to myself and others that the pursuit of money is a meaningless thing to focus your energy on – it leads people to becoming materialistic, superficial, greedy and mean – and I don’t want my world to revolve around this constant pursuit and clinging on. I am aware that part of the development of this belief began at an early age through watching my Dad pour so much of himself into his corporate job, at the expense of being present with us. It felt like his real identity was the person in a suit holding a briefcase, like this was the 90% of his life which he sacrificed in order to work hard and buy us nice holidays. I recognised a belief which came out of this, written by someone else in their comments: ‘a person who earns money has the right to buy and decide what everyone else needs’ - my Dad was VERY much in control, because he earned the money. This gave him the power, and the last word on everything. Part of my ‘rebellion’ is not wanting money to become the driving force of everything, leading to a life of sacrifice, power issues, stress, guilt, constant struggle.
As a result of this I want to believe that all these issues can be avoided by not focussing on making money, that it should be something that comes as a result of doing work you love doing, rather than turning you into someone else in its pursuit. I have a strong dislike of anything materialistic – I don’t enjoy shopping, I’d much rather spend money on experiences than things, and I don’t feel comfortable with people who are driven by money as I often feel this goes hand in hand with a lack of integrity and authenticity, and ignoring their values.
However, there is also the part of me that has a desire for luxury which I seem to fight against. I love staying in beautiful hotels, going to fancy cocktail bars, eating at amazing restaurants, and feel a pang of jealousy when I see people spending money on these things so easily and care-free. I want to be able to do these things, but another part of me tells myself it’s all meaningless and isn’t the true answer to contentment and happiness.
I could write about this all day and my inner conflicts! Lastly though, I will say that I feel stuck around putting the required energy in to make money, as I feel that the things I’d like to be able to do (especially all the travelling and experiences) require SO MUCH money, and freedom to take time off etc, that I can’t see how I could possible go from where I am now, to that point. It seems impossible and unreachable. In my last job working full-time it took up nearly all of my energy, time, mental space, and I felt extremely trapped as I was told when I could take holidays and for how long, and even with all this work, I was only making enough to just get by and not treat myself or save up for something big. I don’t see how to make the amount of money I feel I want, without sacrificing my whole life to work – which is ironically what I’ve been trying to avoid my whole life, but without finding another answer.
To sum up, I am afraid of earning money because I don’t want to get stuck in a trap of dedicating my whole life to making money at the expense of my freedom, learning, and values. This part of me wants me to earn money doing something I love doing and has integrity and meaning, and allows me freedom.

2.
£10,000:
6-months travelling, doing courses along the way – freediving, underwater photography, bodywork

£50,000:
Wow. £50,000. This suddenly seems like a grown-up decision needs to be made. Do I spend it on a deposit for a flat as an investment? Or do I build something with it? I would like to create an amazing, inspiring space for learning, especially to inspire young people, to provide coaching, and to hold workshops for them by master craftsmen/women, experts in other fields… this could be a great way to get this started. But where would it be? If it was in London, I’d still like to be able to travel a lot. Is this really what I’d like to do? Getting stuck here, too much pressure on deciding with such a large amount of money – I feel like now I really need to make solid decisions around what I want in life and that makes me panic. I feel this in my throat and head, a building pressure.. but there are also vibrations, as if I’m on the verge of being really excited about moving forward with something amazing, but I stop myself because it’s too overwhelming to think about and I start hearing all the ‘but, what if’s..’.

Anastasia

21/2/2016 10:06:33 pm

Lisa, thanks for sharing, what a wealth of self-discoveries!
Well done identifying two conflicting beliefs around money and especially noticing about this belief that got you to the place that you hardly tried to avoid! My question to you is, what do you want to do about this belief now? Keep it, let it go, transform it into something that helps you create the life you want to have?

Also, how interesting is this sense of an overwhelm when you suddenly need to take an "adult decision". I encourage you to look at it more closely and talk to it, asking what it wants from you, and for you, and why it's here. And see what it comes up with.

Lisa

22/2/2016 10:20:27 pm

In answer to your first question - I'd like to transform this belief (that earning the amount of money I'd like requires lots of sacrifice in terms of losing my freedom, compromising my values, and doing work I don't enjoy - 'selling my soul!').

Regarding the sense of overwhelm around making 'adult decisions', I think it wants me to take more decisive action, with the understanding and acceptance (permission?) that I may change my mind or desires later on, and that this is ok. I panic because I feel I need to be sure what I want, otherwise I will 'get into trouble' if I change my mind later - this is what I feel happened as a child 'Oh, Lisa, why didn't you say that before?!' (my Mum's exasperated voice!).

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Who is Anastasia?

Chief inspirator, start-up mentor, professional Co-Active life coach and career coach, systems worker and passionate tango dancer. Get to know me!